Let me tell you a little secret. A long, long time ago, I was caught red/pink-handed with my hands down my panties and rubbing myself senseless to a Total Recall. No, I wasn’t masturbating over Arnie, although he is one of my celebrity crushes, I was rubbing my brains out to the girl with the three tits.
It’s one of my favorite movies and triggered a deep sense of lust in my sci-fi-loving mind. You see, I dreamed of being a three-titted woman in outer space who worked in an intergalactic brothel and getting to sample all of the quirky dicks the universe had to offer and get paid for it!
”The cherry on this perverted cake, though, was that ridged ballsack. Its spikes were doing a number of my throbbing clit, and I was soon moaning like an extraterrestrial whore being dicked down by an alien barbarian.”
Sadly, unless Elon Musk hurries his ass up and gets us living on Mars, it’s a dream that will probably never be realized. Thankfully, though, alien sex toys and sci-fi tentacle dildos are all the rage right now, and I’ve been trying as many of them as I can.
But one toy whose name has been cropping up in sci-fi circles in recent weeks has been the 3-in-1 vibrating alien dildo from Wildolo, and I just had to take it for a spin in my dick-hungry twat. Now, are you ready to blast off and see how much damage it did? If so, keep reading!
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What’s The Deal With Wildolo’s Alien Dick?
This 3-in-1 alien dildo from Wildolo is the kind of intergalactic fuck rod any outer-space hooker would love to see their client whipping out of his uniform. It’s a monster cock with bumps and ridges in all of the right places and a badass blue, pink, and purple color scheme to boot.
The brand promises that the toy has everything from a powerful motor that’s whisper-quiet to a dedicated sex toy app for you to control it remotely, create your own vibration patterns, and involve a string of strangers in your sci-fi masturbation antics.
From balls to tip, this hefty dildo comes in at 21.3cm/8.4’’, and, at its widest point, you’re getting a beefy girth of 5.6cm/2.2’’. Oh, and if you’re looking for some hands-free sex, this alien dildo can be affixed to a sex machine using a suction cup plate.
Hands-On With An Alien Dildo Full of Dirty Surprises
In the mood for a lazy fuck, I did the latter and attached this alien dildo to my favorite sex machine, drenched it in lube, and began teasing my dripping-wet cunt with it. My porn of choice? A fittingly sci-fi-themed piece with as much anal as my perverted eyes could absorb.
Let me tell you, this is a toy that’s easy to underestimate, and I initially bit off more than I could chew, forcing me to slow the fuck down and edge this sci-fi cock into me inch by inch until I was balls deep. ‘’Oh! Now that’s a pleasant surprise!’’ I said as the dildo’s ridged ballsack hit my clit!
The more you look at this toy, the wilder it gets. The underside of the shaft has soft but jagged edges that notch into your fuck hole piece by piece. The sides have water droplet shapes that bulge you out, and the top has a series of balls that only add sexual fuel to the fire.
The cherry on this perverted cake, though, was that ridged ballsack. Its spikes were doing a number of my throbbing clit, and I was soon moaning like an extraterrestrial whore being dicked down by an alien barbarian. Grasping for the remote control, it was time to up the ante.
”I underwent an intergalactic orgasm whose force sent the dildo flying out of my hole with a kiss of hot squirt to go with it!”
I took this alien dildo’s vibration motor for a spin, but honestly? I feel like the casing is too thick and somewhat takes away its effect. Maybe my slit has been hammered far too much, but the vibes barely had much of an effect on me, unlike the rest of the toy.
The vibrations I could take or leave. But switching to the sex machine’s controls, I sent it into overdrive and caused this alien cock to hammer my drenched cunt until I underwent an intergalactic orgasm whose force sent the dildo flying out of my hole with a kiss of hot squirt to go with it!
This is Where This Textured Dildo Ticks The Boxes
This alien dildo is gorgeously engineered, that’s for sure. Rather than the somewhat generic feeling of sliding down a plain ol’ dildo with the occasional vein to spice things up, this textured cock throws all manner of bumps, lumps, and ridges your way to keep your slit or ass in the zone, and that ridged ball sack at the bottom is gorgeous on the clitty, girls!
The bend in this sci-fi sex toy is also perfectly angled, whether you want it to hit your prostate in your ass or your G-spot in your twat. Unlike a lot of vibrating dildos, this alien cock has a lot of bend to it, so it’s perfect for those who don’t like a dick too rigid in their hole or throat.
While I initially thought this alien sex toy came without a suction cup, I was wrong. There’s one discretely built into the base, and it’s surprisingly powerful and can stand up to a rigorous fucking whether you’re riding it on the ground or affixing it to your favorite sex machine.
And Here’s What I Didn’t Like
Let me start by saying that this alien dildo feels like it is lacking in brand-ability because it’s listed on the official Wildolo site as ‘’Wildolo 8.66” APP/Remote/Key 3 in 1 Control Vibrator Dildo.’’ Surely, they could have come up with something catchier than that, right? The packaging is also dull as fuck and is as plain as it gets.
There’s a lot of hype surrounding this alien dildo’s ten vibration patterns, but I found them to be tremendously weak. Thankfully, there’s a lot more going for this dildo than just vibrations, and it’ll make you cum, but if you’re a vibe-hunting slut then you might be let down.
Slutty Suggestions I Have
There’s a lot of untapped potential with this alien dildo, that’s for sure. I suggest that Wildolo come up with a catchier name for the toy, such as ‘’The Outer Space Groin Gouger’’ or ‘’The Sludge Pump of the Tundra’’.
I also recommend they deploy better packaging to greet customers when they unbox this, perhaps including a nice silk carry bag to keep the toy, remote, and charger together more neatly.
And last but not least is the need for a beefier vibration motor in the toy. For me, the bumps and ridges of this alien dildo did it for me, but I know a lot of vibration-hungry sluts will feel disappointed by the somewhat weak vibration that this toy gives off.
So, Is This Sci-Fi Dildo Worth It?
Currently, Wildolo’s alien dildo will set you back $85 unless they have a special offer on it. If you’re looking for a gorgeous feeling and well-engineered alien dildo that’s a definite hole-breaker and can be controlled remotely, then you’ll more than likely fall in love with it.
If, on the other hand, you’re looking for a toy with enough powerful vibrations to make your toes curl, then this isn’t it. The reality is that the vibes just aren’t that potent in Wildolo’s toy, although I hope they make some changes and beef up the power in the coming months.
