I’ve been to some fucked-up, glorious, and sweaty dens of depravity in my time. If you’ve read my infamous book Porn, Popcorn and Perversion, you’ll know how true that is. Still, nothing, and I mean nothing, quite matches the charm of Sauna Sauna in Northwich.
If the name makes you think of some tacky health club, forget it. This isn’t a place to sip cucumber water and exfoliate your pores. This is Cheshire’s under-the-radar temple of sleaze, a labyrinth of heat, dark corners, and open-minded perverts who’ll fuck you silly if you let them, or vice versa.
”By midnight, they’re on their knees, mascara running, she-cocks shrivelled from too many ruined orgasms, while I watch both men and beautiful she-cocked goddesses spitroast them.”
‘’What a minute, Catherine!’’ I hear some of you shout, ‘’Isn’t the Northwich Sauna a gay-only spot?’’ Yeah, most of the time. However, the folks there are a gorgeously open-minded bunch and open their doors to girls like me during two specific events which often see hundreds of people come through the doors, which I’ll slide into bareback shortly.
So, yeah, I’ve been countless times, both as a shameless slut myself and as a handler bringing along my sissy subs to whimper at the feet of countless big-dicked studs. This guide is my attempt to lay it all bare for you, tell you what to expect, how to behave, and where you’ll end up dripping wet and used.
Table of Contents
The Northwich Sauna is a Spa Meets Sex Dungeon
From the outside, the Northwich Sauna looks like a no-frills factory tucked away on an industrial stretch of Cheshire. This place actually has some serious history behind it and was where polythene was invented. Shit, it even has a blue plaque outside!
But inside? Think sauna, steam, and jacuzzis spliced together with porn-cinema filth. The lighting is low, the air thick with the smell of sweat, lube, and chlorine, and you can almost hear the walls moan from the amount of wild pounding they’ve seen over the years. Make no mistake, though, this place is well-maintained and kept nice and clean.
Downstairs is where you’ll find the lockers, saunas, a huge steamroom with a perverted twist, jacuzzis, and an outdoor area with a hottub, deck chairs, and even a London Hackney cab to live out your dirtiest Fake Taxi experiences. Make sure you don’t blow your load before exploring upstairs first, though!
Upstairs is a rabbit’s warren of perverted playrooms, private cubicles with porn playing if you want a lock-in, open orgy areas if you want to be surrounded, and darkrooms where your holes will meet whatever cock happens to be passing through. The gloryholes are infamous: regulars line up on both sides, cocks stiff, mouths ready, and you’re the meat in the middle. Hell, there’s even a full-on porn cinema in here and a BDSM dungeon, too!
When’s the Best Time to Go to Sauna Sauna, Northwich?
Sauna Sauna has a jam-packed diary of naughty events for you to fill your diary with, but you will find most of them are heavily gay orientated. So, to keep things simple, let me introduce you to two specific events that are ideal for a broad range of male, female, and transsexual Gooners and kinksters.
Event #1: Transsexual Wednesdays
If you’ve ever fantasised about worshipping stunning T-girls, this is the day to come. Every Wednesday, the Northwich Sauna gets filled to the brim with gorgeous trans women, veteran horny admirers, and a steady stream of cross-dressers, sissies, and first-timer men who’ll leave more mind blown than they thought possible.
I bring my sissy subs here often. I strip them down, shove them into stockings and heels, and throw them to the wolves. By midnight, they’re on their knees, mascara running, she-cocks shrivelled from too many ruined orgasms, while I watch both men and beautiful she-cocked goddesses spitroast them.
If you’re new, expect to be tested. Don’t be a creep; approach respectfully, take your cues from the girls, and be ready to worship appropriately. The trans women who show up here aren’t just fantasy fuel; they’re wild, demanding, and insatiable. The sexual energy is off the scale, and you never know what you’ll find in the darkest corners of the sauna.
Event #2: Monthly Bi Takeover
Once a month Sauna Sauna turns into a bisexual free-for-all. Couples, singles, bulls, and slutty unicorns fill every inch of the place. The jacuzzi churns with naked bodies, the steam room becomes an orgy pit, and even the stairwells aren’t safe from hands grabbing your arse.
I’ve lost count of the times I’ve ended up face down in the darkroom here, taking cock after cock, while women ride my tits or sit on my face. There’s no hierarchy, no shame; just raw fucking, swapping partners, and groaning bodies. If you’re curious, this is the night where curiosity turns into cock down your throat before you’ve finished your first drink.
For newbies: don’t hover like a lost puppy. Get involved. Smile, watch for a nod, and when someone pulls you into the action, say yes. This isn’t a place for hesitation.
First-Timer Survival Tips
- Don’t be nervous. If you don’t want to go alone, find a horny sauna buddy on the likes of Adult Friend Finder.
- Bring two towels or request two when you enter. One for sitting, one for drying. Nobody likes a dripping stranger.
- Lube is your best friend. The club has complimentary lube and condoms at the front desk, but seasoned sluts bring their own bottle.
- Condoms are plentiful, but bareback is very common. Know your boundaries before you walk in. If you’re not into raw, say so; people will respect it. If you are, well… welcome to heaven.
- Don’t be a creep. Ask with your eyes, watch body language, and never grab without an invite.
- Hydrate. The heat, the steam, the relentless fucking, it takes it out of you. Drink water or you’ll end up fainting in a pile of arses.
Northwich Sauna Etiquette: Don’t Be That Guy
- Don’t corner someone in a cubicle. If they say no, move on, there’s plenty of holes to fuck elsewhere.
- Don’t talk business in the moment. Friendly chat is fine for downstairs, but nobody cares about your 9-to-5 while they’re balls deep in a stranger.
- Don’t hog the play spaces. Have fun, take your load, clean up, and let the next kinksters through.
- Don’t act shocked or judge. You will see bitches with mascara running down their faces, cocks stuffed in both ends, and women riding strangers like stallions. Smile and enjoy; it’s what you came for.
Facilities Worth Mentioning
- Jacuzzi: A bubbling stew of tits, cocks, and fingers under the water. A great spot to socialize, meet potential partners, and just chill.
- Two saunas: One small and intimate, the other large and spacious. Good for warming up before slipping into the darker corners. A lot of play takes place in the heat, too.
- Steam Room: Visibility drops to almost zero, which is perfect because so do inhibitions. You’ll find bodies everywhere, hands, mouths, cocks sliding out of the mist. There are also Gloryholes and dark play spaces in here, too!
- Dark Rooms & Gloryholes: The filth factory. You’ll leave sticky, sore, and smiling, and you probably won’t even know who did it.
- Private Rooms: If you find the right mix of lovers, lock the door and let hell break loose.
- The Themed Play Rooms: From breeding stables and HMP-themed prison cells to porn cinemas and courtrooms, there are lots of ways to live out your wildest fantasies here.
Why I Keep Going Back
Sauna Sauna in Northwich can be beginner-friendly, but it isn’t for the faint-hearted. It’s for the kinkster, the slut, the curious motherfucker who wants to see what happens when sexual boundaries melt away in steam, sperm, and sweat.
I’ve had nights here where I left with my body wrecked, mascara smeared down my cheeks, and a belly full of strangers’ cum, and I still smile about it months later. There’s everything you need to chill and make some of the wildest sexual memories of your life.
If you want polished, go to a swingers’ hotel. If you want real filth, get your horny arse to Northwich Sauna. Oh, and if you have any wild stories to tell from your own adventures in the depths of Sauna Sauna, spill the beans in the comments below!
