Building your dream Goon Cave is the pinnacle of a Pornosexual journey, but it requires careful planning, and that’s where this guide will come in to help.
I’ve been building Goon Caves for years and, through trial and error, have learned what works and what doesn’t when building the kind of Porn Pit that will escalate your Gooning dramatically.
As well as my dedicated Goon Cave at home, I travel a lot for work and spend a lot of time in Airbnb and hotels, so I have to think on my feet when setting up a Goon space wherever I go.
”What better Goon Cave accessory than a pair of sleazy high heels or grool-soaked panties to admire or sniff while imagining the sordid debauchery they’ve seen over the years?”
Today, I’m going to take you on a sordid little journey through some of my greatest tips on building a Goon Cave, as well as covering the perverted additions you don’t want to miss!
To paraphrase Field of Dreams, ‘’If you build it, they will cum!’’
Table of Contents
Where to Build the Foundations of a Goon Cave?
The first question on many of your drooling lips will likely be about where to set up a Goon Cave. Allow me to spurt some pointers down your throat!
- Whether it’s a basement, a spare room, a garage, or your office, find a safe space where you feel comfortable and at ease.
- From putting a sturdy lock on the door to having a property only you can access, ensure you won’t be disturbed.
- An ideal Goon space will be cozy but have ample room to move around, stretch, and exercise, as I outlined in my popular guide to Gooning safely, which can be read here.
- A solid internet connection that won’t cut out or get spotty at the wrong time and totally ruin your Goon flow.
I’ve even seen some Gooners take their caves outdoors in summer. Armed with nothing but porn mags and a laptop, they Goon their fuckin’ brains out in the fresh air. Love it!
But unless you’re an exhibitionist, manning a Goon Cave should be a private affair. Once the doors and blinds close, it should just be you and Porn (unless you invite some Goon Buds over).
Invest in Some Decent Porn Furniture
‘’All I need is an office chair or a bed, right?’’ I hear you ask. Wrong! There are tonnes of badass Gooning furniture you can get your hands on these days, and I covered some of them here.
If you’re anything like me, you can spend up to twenty-four hours or more watching porn, so getting the right furniture that will be forgiving on your back, neck, and ass is an investment.
Whether it’s an office chair, a couch, or an exercise bike that lets you get your endorphins going as your worship porn, don’t be a tightass; buy the right equipment, and your body will thank you.
Plan Your Monitor Situation
One of the toughest challenges a Goon Cave owner can face is what to do with the monitor situation. It might take a few tweaks to determine what works best for you.
I’ve seen Goon Caves consisting of a smartphone and a laptop and others that are jam-packed with monitors up to the ceiling, but you should do what works best for you and your budget.
A solid in-between would be a mixture of screens and a projector on one wall. The former lets you get intense bursts of porn, while the latter gives you a cinema experience at the same time.
Don’t Neglect the Lighting
One of the biggest mistakes I see Gooners make is locking themselves in a Goon Cave with zero lighting, causing their eyes to strain on the screens for hours on end. It’s a bad idea!
I learned this after spending 24 hours in a Gloryhole booth (which you can read here), stepping out into daylight, and almost passing out from the change in light. Don’t make the same mistake!
I know, I know, the allure of a Goon Cave kind of loses its charm when you turn the lights on. Well, it doesn’t have to be like that when you use the proper lighting.
I’d suggest using a mixture of LED lights that give off a neon-like brothel effect and screen lamps that illuminate the monitors and take the strain off your eyes.
Get Decorating Those Walls With Porn Art!
And last but not least, you should start decorating your Goon Cave appropriately. One of my favorite ways to do this is to start coating the walls with paper porn art.
Erotic calendars, posters of pornstars, or screenshots of your favorite porn moments of all time, every inch of a Goon Cave should trigger you as much as what’s on the screens around you!
But porn posters aren’t the only thing that you can deploy to add the finishing touch to a Goon Pit, and the next part of this guide is going to cover some utterly filthy accessories to consider.
5 Things Every Goon Cave Needs!
Don’t think that all a Goon Cave needs is a tonne of monitors and a decent internet connection. There are lots of filthy little additions you can add to really amp up the Pornosexual atmosphere!
Porn Relics That Have ‘’Been There’’
I have a sprawling collection of high heels, many of which have bore witness to the kind of debauchery that few even know exists, and they’re constantly being bought by horny Gooners.
What some of them do with them remains unknown, but I know that plenty of my filthy heels have ended up as ornaments or Goon Fuel in the Porn Pits of many pornosexuals worldwide.
I only licked one of the heels clean,’’ a happy Gooner who’d just received my heels in the mail wrote. ‘’I want to be able to look at the other one and fantasize about everything it has seen. Only one will be tainted by me; the other will keep all of your perfect porn mess safe.’’
But aside from my heels, used sex toys, panties, and other Whoreuro porn relics, there’s a string of pornstars who regularly sell their used lingerie that has been on-set.
What better Goon Cave accessory than a pair of sleazy high heels or grool-soaked panties to admire or sniff while imagining the sordid debauchery they’ve seen over the years?
A Mini Fridge to Keep Your Porn Engines Cool
You all know how demented I am about keeping my Gooners safe, and I can’t stress enough that staying hydrated during long sessions is super important.
That’s where a little fridge comes in handy! Whether you want to keep your water cold or your beers nice and fresh, it’s a prime accessory for a Goon Cave that is often underlooked.
I mean, do you really want to drag your ass to the kitchen when you need a drink and interrupt your Goon Sesh? I think not!
An Organized System for Your Sex Toys
I’m a stickler for organization, and the same goes for my sordid collection of sex toys. Placed on a thick towel to soak up the juices, I always ensure my toys are close to hand in my Porn Pit.
But I see so many people with their toys scattered chaotically throughout their Goon Caves, and this just doesn’t work. We need order in this Porn Army, my fellow Pornosexuals!
Organizing your toys neatly and in a way that makes them easy to find is the way forward. Find a system that works for you, and ensure that you’re never left empty-handed and disarmed.
Keep your lube stocked up and a pack of wet wipes for cleaning toys or your sticky fingers. After all, there are few things worse than a blend of cum and lube on your electronics.
Get Some Artificial Friends to Watch Over You
One of the coolest additions I’ve started seeing in many Goon Caves is the presence of sex dolls, female mannequins, or virtual lap dancers hanging out with Pornosexuals. Let me explain:
- Female mannequins are cheap, aren’t hard to find, and you can dress them up like your favorite pornstars and have them around the room to admire while you worship smut.
- You can also do the exact same thing with sex dolls, just with the added bonus of being able to fuck them/ride them whenever the moment strikes. Naturally, I suggest the latter.
- Another fantastic idea is a vertical projector that plays a POV reel of a lap dancer grinding on a pole on one wall. It feels like you’ve set up a Goon Cave in a strip club!
But while these artificial Goon Buds are a hot addition to any depraved Porn Pit, they sure as shit can’t beat the real thing, and this brings me to the final accessory every Goon Cave needs.
Invite Some Trusty Goon Buds to Your Cave!
Gooning with somebody else is a big step in any Gooner or Goonette’s journey. But once you do it for the first time, it’ll blow your mind and pave the way for many more experiences.
By inviting another Gooner/Goonette into your cave, you can discuss porn, share ideas for each other’s caves, and enlighten each other, beefing up your Pornosexual journey as a result.
When the sound of your own fuck stick or slit getting pumped is contrasted by the Goon descent of another person next to you, it’s an audio overload that can push your edging to the limit.
From Gooning subreddits to sleazy hookup sites like Adult Friend Finder and the Porn side of Twitter to the Whoreuro Discord, there are plenty of places to find like-minded Goon Buds!
Now, It’s Time to Get Building Your Goon Caves!
Don’t relegate yourself to Gooning whenever you get a chance. Instead, build yourself a dedicated safe space to enjoy the glory of porn and the pinnacle of pleasure in peace.
Whatever kind of Goon Cave you decide to build, I wish you all the very best in your journey, and I hope this guide goes a long way in giving you the tips you need to make it happen.
Do you have some tips, ideas, and suggestions of your own when it comes to building a Goon Cave? Drop a comment below and share it with your fellow Pornosexuals!
