People are fascinated by the idea of being a porn analyst. Every week, my DM’s are flooded with questions and curiosity surrounding my job.
I think it ties into some Gooning fantasy of edging to incredible porn all week long. While that’s not my reality, I do take my porn very seriously, and I’m probably an outlier amongst my peers when it comes to porn screen time.
Here’s what a typical XXX workday looks like for me.
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What’s a Workday Like For a Porn Analyst Like You?
After breakfast, I like to pour a cup of coffee and head into the office. The first order of business is to make my daily screener list. I’ll visit each of my two-dozen-plus member sites, tabbing each newly released scene. That forms my preliminary playlist. Then I prune the list to about eight or ten; any more than that will have me working well past 5:00 PM.
When pruning down my porn playlist, I try to ensure a degree of diversity, viewing different stars across different studios. I tend to bias anything that’s already generating industry buzz or hype, but beyond that, it’s somewhat subjective. My goal is to capture as many scenes that might be column-worthy or award-worthy.
Most of my day is spent analyzing porn. When possible, I’ll do this in my home theatre with the surround sound on. I keep a spreadsheet open on my laptop and an old-fashioned notepad next to me.
”Viewing porn for work is a completely different experience from enjoying porn as a fan. When I’m screening movies, my brain is hyper-engaged. I’m taking notes, watching for specifics, scrubbing back, and analyzing details.”
Anything noteworthy gets written down, and I have an ever-evolving scoring and categorization system to ensure objectivity. This spreadsheet helps me to narrow down my picks for columns like Crushin’ It or Parker’s Picks and is invaluable come award season.
Of course, it’s not all porn-viewing. In between screenings, I’m working on my columns, freelance reviews, blog posts, and other projects. That includes planning, outlining, drafting, and constant revision.
Then there’s the search for screencaps, which is the most frustrating part of adult writing for me. It requires going back and finding the perfect picture to caption your piece. Frustratingly, a lot of publishers require “safe-for-work” images, which can be a chore in the XXX industry. Certainly, fully clothed photos exist, but most scenes only feature a handful, and they are often far from the best poses and smiles.
Do You Still Watch Porn For Fun?
I love porn. More than a job, more than a hobby, good pornography is one of those things that hits my core. It’s a wonderful art, and pornographic performances both mean a lot to me and make a lot of sense. Of course, I do watch porn outside of work.
Pornography is one of my favorite ways to wind down after work. I know that sounds crazy when I often spend eight-hour days viewing all manner of pornography, but I think it makes perfect sense.
”Porn is the purest form of artistic expression; it’s remarkably entertaining, and depending on what you’re into, promotes positivity, love, and enriches the soul with beauty.”
Viewing porn for work is a completely different experience from enjoying porn as a fan. When I’m screening movies, my brain is hyper-engaged. I’m taking notes, watching for specifics, scrubbing back, and analyzing details. Frankly, it’s a pretty clinical and scientific process.
So when I’m done analyzing porn, I prefer to kick back and enjoy my hobby, which happens to be watching porn with a different frame of mind. This is the time I get to put the notebook away and experience the pornographers’ vision as intended.
What Kind of Porn Do You Watch Off Duty?
I admire all sorts of pornography and love a diverse blend of smut, so I tend to be somewhat genreless in my preferences. But I tend to stick to all-sex films, mostly because it is the actual sexual performance that has always captivated my imagination in these films.
I often find myself revisiting recent scenes from earlier in the day, especially those that scored highly with the potential to be featured in one of my columns or even in XRCO and XBIZ award pre-nominations.
I also love to revisit old favorites. Sometimes, I’ll launch myself into a classic X-Art binge, and other times, I’ll pick a performer like Whitney Westgate or Dido Angel and explore their classic catalog.
How Much More Porn Do You Watch Off The Clock?
After a long workday, I’ll almost always watch at least two scenes. Beyond that, it all depends on how much time I have, what I’m doing, and my mood. Typically I’ll enjoy an hour or two of “porn for fun,” but it’s not uncommon for me to binge on great porn all night long.
That doesn’t mean I’m not productive. I run Chromecast all through my place, so I’ll typically view porn during my workouts or while I’m cooking and eating dinner. And it’s always fun to bring pornos into the bedroom too!
Some people find it surprising that I still enjoy porn after all that work, but is it so strange? Is it that unusual for musicians to listen to music outside of the studio? Or for TV and film professionals to catch a few shows in the evening?
It’s all the same. The only difference is that people don’t often equate porn to it’s fellow entertainment arts. But porn’s right up there with the most binge-worthy TV, and in my mind, it’s even better.
Porn is the purest form of artistic expression, it’s remarkably entertaining, and depending on what you’re into, promotes positivity, love, and enriches the soul with beauty.
