You should all know that I don’t test toys like some bog-standard sex toy reviewer. No, I wage war on them. And the Koatysum by Mr. Hankey’s? This sleazy double-dicked fucker put up a hell of a fight.
When it comes to extreme penetration porn that sees women’s holes being turned into sexual battlefields, often with two cocks in their cunts or shitters simultaneously? Shit, I’m a big fan. So much so that I’ve even paid a pilgrimage to the frontlines of the Giorgio Grandi studio in Prague, where some of their most infamous shoots have happened. So, who better than to review the mighty double penetration dildo, Koatysum, from Mr Hankey, right?
It was a Thursday night. Nothing wholesome had any business happening. I was dressed as if I’d just finished a brutal DAP gangbang shoot in Prague. Fuck, we’re talking fishnets ripped at the thighs, clear 8-inch Pleaser heels, and a black mesh crotchless body that screamed filth with intent.
Lights off. Volume up. And on the wall-sized screen? A loop of Brittany Bardot getting double-dicked to the pits of hell in glorious, thundering surround sound. Goon bait of the highest calibre. Every squelch, every grunt, every depraved growl of “More fuckin’ cock!” filled the room like gospel.
Table of Contents
Mr Hankey’s Koatysum: A Monstrosity of Pleasure
Let me make one thing clear: Mr Hankey’s Koatysum is not a toy you “use,’’ but rather a perverse creature you confront. As with many of Mr Hankey’s extreme dildos, this was nothing short of a work of art and something that will strike a chord with those of you who adore extreme penetration porn from the Czech Republic.
The double cockhead is thick and brutal, tapering only slightly before joining into a shaft thicker than my wrist, ending in a pair of huge, sculpted balls, a finishing touch that felt more like a trophy than a mere detail. Just reaching my clit to that sack was going to be a personal porn Everest.
I had opted for the large variant in flesh colour and 75% soft. Despite being the smallest model on offer, it was utterly enrousmous and the sheer weight of this thing blew my mind. Not only that, but the detail was superb, and you’ll find every vein, bulge, and even penile papules a glorious nod to realism. It’s a perverse double-headed mountain of two men’s cock meat, and the artistic style is on par with Mr Hankey’s iconic Dana’s Fist dildo, which I also reviewed in perverse detail!
I slathered the whole beast in ”The Lube” by FFäusten (Which I also obtained through Mr Hankey’s) and not just because it’s fisting and extreme toy penetration, but because the logo reminds of some european sex clubs I’ve had my holes ruined inside of in the past, so it was fitting to the Czech porn vibe of this Goon sesh!
It was now dripping with perversion as I watched it puddle on the towel like the aftermath of an orgy. The shine made it look even more intimidating and borderline alive.
The DAP Battle Begins: Inch by Inch
I started on all fours, knees spread wide, back arched like a porn parody of a yoga class. My hands were shaking, thighs already slick with anticipation. The first head kissed my hole, and I nearly backed out then and there.
It wasn’t just big. It was wide and unrelenting. There was no taper, nor was there mercy. Just stretch or stop.
I timed it with Brittany Bardot’s DAP anal rhythm on screen; every time she took both cocks deep in her rose bud of an asshole that was prolapsing like crazy, I pushed a little harder. Gooning hard. Lost in it. Mutual fuckin’ destruction.
The tip popped in with a thick, wet snap, and I screamed. Not in pain, but in disbelief. My body didn’t know whether to clench or worship. Every nerve ending screamed: “You’re really doing this, you fucked up little whore?’’
Midway Madness: No Turning Back
It took five attempts just to get past the first bulge. I was shaking. Groaning. Sweating like I was in a sex sauna.
Each push deeper triggered full-body spasms, my thighs cramping from the pressure, my stomach fluttering like I was about to cum just from the stretch.
I reached back and palmed my pale Irish asscheeks, forcing myself wider. Groaning. Begging no one in particular. The porn blurred. My mouth hung open and dripped spit onto my erect nipples. My clit throbbed against the air, untouched and raging.
And then I felt it: the thick twin shaft nestling in. My ass was accepting it. Begrudgingly. But it was happening.
The Perverse Moment When Balls Meet Clit
The final few centimetres were a test of pure porn faith. I was perched on the edge of something more than orgasm, and I was about to earn my depravity.
I rocked harder, deeper, letting gravity do its dirty work. Brittany Bardot’s cries became my metronome. My hole bloomed, slowly, painfully, but oh so perfectly…
And then? Contact. The heavy and lifelike balls pressed up against my clit, warm from my own heat, soaked in lube, and the contact made my brain white out.
Every fibre of me snapped. My whole body clenched, and I squirted hands-free, collapsing forward, face buried in the towel, legs trembling uncontrollably. My clit throbbed against the sack like it had been edged for hours and finally rewarded.
I just lay there, panting, with this giant two-pronged pair of porn cocks buried to the hilt, my gape wide and glorious. I looked obscene. Like something out of a forbidden porn folder, and I’d never been prouder.
The Aftermath: A Changed DAP Whore
When I finally stood, my legs were jelly, and I waddled to the mirror. My ass was still gaping. Open like a medal of honour. My hands couldn’t stop exploring it.
The gape was perfect: round, soft-edged, rose red, and twitching. No injury. No pain. Just an earned stretch, a filthy souvenir.
I didn’t just take Koatysum, I conquered it, and the eyes of Brittany Bardot staring back at me through the scene made the perverse finale all the more worth it!
The Perverse Final Verdict
The Koatysum delivers on every filthy promise it makes. The stretch is relentless, filling you up so deep and wide it reprograms your nervous system. Visually, it’s depraved perfection: A BWC porn fantasy rendered in silicone, complete with two glistening and hyperrealistic shafts and a duo of hefty ballsacks that grind against your clit as if they fuckin’ own you.
And the realism? Uncanny. Riding it feels like you’ve stepped into your own personal DAP or DVP gangbang scene, and you’re the cum drunk star. But the true peak? That moment when your clit touches the balls, and you realise you’re not just playing with a toy but that you’ve been officially broken, in the best possible way.
As much as I adore this dildo, it’s not without caveats. For starters, even the “one-size” model is a beast. Like, what Mr. Hankey calls “standard” is, let’s be honest, a hardcore anal queen’s benchmark. If I were someone still building up to double vaginal penetration or extreme DAP anal training, I’d kill for a slightly scaled-down version that is more “initiation” than “a seual everest.”
Also, as much as I wanted to deepthroat it during my perverse session, I couldn’t. My mouth simply couldn’t accommodate the full girth of both dicks. A tragic loss for oral fantasy roleplay, especially for sluts like me who like to suck their toys clean. But hey, if the only complaint is “my sordid little holes aren’t quite big enough,” you know you’ve got a proper cock on your hands.
