HomeSex Toy GuideFunzze’s Triple Dildo: A Three-Pronged Assault on the C*nt?

Funzze’s Triple Dildo: A Three-Pronged Assault on the C*nt?

- Advertisement -

Whenever I’m pushing my slit to the brink of destruction while watching porn, I like to ensure that no hole is left untouched. However, while I might be the Queen of Whores, I only have two hands, just like the rest of you.

This means that trying to hammer my cunt, cum pipe (ass), and throat at the same time while also strumming my engorged clit can be quite the challenge. It’s a challenge that many sex toy companies have strived to overcome in recent years, but only a few have been successful. 

”My gag reflex was in full flow, causing me to drool down onto my perky tits below, and I began ramming the triple dildo home at full force, leaving me exposed to an impending orgasm.”

So, when I feasted my eyes on one of Funzze’s latest releases in the form of a triple dildo offering a three-pronged assault on the senses, I was keen to try it out on my hungry holes and see whether it could impress my high-mileage cunt. 

It arrived on my doorstep this morning, and my holes twitched with delight as I unpackaged it. Now, let me give you the lowdown on this little pink beast as we kick off another squirt-drenched sex toy review!

What’s the Deal With This Triple Dildo Toy?

Funzze calls it their 3-in-1 Rabbit Vibrator, and it’s a fitting name for what comes in the box. This pussy pink device aims to conquer a woman’s pleasure zones at once by hitting her G-spot with a penetrative dildo, gripping and vibrating her clit with a bunny-style head, and stretching her asshole out with some attached anal beads. 

This triple dildo boasts two motors with their own unique functions. One is dedicated to powering the G-spot, and the other fuels the clitoral and anal parts of the toy. These dual motors also mean a bundle of different vibrations, and there are twelve in total for your horny holes to make their way through. 

Like any sex toy worth its salt, this triple dildo is made from body-safe materials and ABS plastic. It also boasts a handy magnetic USB charger with a full charge, delivering two hours of playtime. It’s also waterproof, so you can play with it in the shower or bath with ease, which is very handy for squirting whores like me. 

My Experience With This 3-Headed Dildo

But while it’s all fun and games on the surface, it’s time for me to take this toy for a spin. Closing the curations and with a bottle of lube to hand, I put on a porno that was very fitting to this toy: a triple penetration masterpiece from Giorgio Grandi!

With the divine sounds of anal porn bouncing around the room, my slit was almost gushing already. First, I decided to take the toy’s vibration settings out for a spin, and, fuck me, the power made my eyes widen. The upper levels of vibrations on this triple dildo are not for the faint-hearted,

I was convinced that if I held it in my hand for long enough, I might end up getting vibration white finger. So, what does a porn-drunk whore then decide to do? Stick it deep inside my cunt, of course!

I’ll be honest, the smaller anal beads didn’t touch the sides of my high-mileage asshole very much, but the sensation of them rubbing against my sphincter was still divine. But with my asshole’s pleasure being taken care of, it was time for my clit and G-spot to feel this toy’s fury.

The rabbit head of this triple dildo has its own vibration feature, and the way those bunny ears caress my clit in a vibrating embrace already had my eyes rolling. Inside, though, was where the real sexual carnage was bubbling. This three-pronged assault on my pusy was getting steamy.

Watching a 19-year-old Hungarian slut have her asshole fucked beyond all recognition on my screen was pushing me toward the edge, but the sight of a throbbing black dick down her throat left me craving more than just the triple dildo downstairs.

Luckily, I also had one of Funzze’s notorious horse cock dildos on hand that I could bury down my throat as I neared orgasm. My gag reflex was in full flow, causing me to drool down onto my perky tits below, and I began ramming the triple dildo home at full force, leaving me exposed to an impending orgasm. 

Bang, bang, bang! It came from my clit, cunt, and bowels all at once. As the orgasm began to take hold, I rammed the horse cock dildo as far down my neck as I could, forcing my convulsing and gagging body to fire the toy out with a decorative jet of squirt. 

‘’Nngghhh, fuckkkkk!’’ I screamed, not caring whether the neighbors heard. Looking down, I could see the toy being carried around on my bed by the mighty power of its vibrations amongst puddles of my own juices.

Even for an experienced cunt like mine, it took me a good thirty minutes to recover and push that toy back into me. It took some getting used to, but I managed to burn out its two-hour battery life in the first sitting!

What I Liked About This Triple Dildo

Firstly, this triple dildo from Funzze really does what it says on the tin. It’s an affordable sex toy coming in at under $40, and it’s able to deliver a toy of reasonable quality and also pack a punch with some potent vibrations. As you can adjust the vibes according to your cunt’s needs, it can be tailored depending on how sensitive you are and how hardcore you want to cum.

It’s far from the sturdiest grip in the world, but I did find that this triple dildo was able to fit nicely into the palm of a female hand and allow you to maintain a firm grip of it, which is pretty fuckin’ important when you’re writhing around from a three-pronged orgasm. My slit might have spat it out, but it’s fair to say that my pussy is far from ordinary.

The dual motors in the toy are also a cool feature, as each one does its own job by powering different parts of the toy. I was glad that Funzze dedicated one of the engines solely to the G-spot orgasm, as that’s arguably what fuels this toy’s triple-penetration orgasm. However, the G-spot dildo is also my main point of criticism, too. 

My Criticisms of the Toy

The area where this triple dildo could be improved is in the G-spot dildo section of the toy. While it does bend if you move it hard enough, this will hurt some women, and I was disappointed to find that it was largely firm and returned to the same position after bending it.

Instead, I’d suggest that a new and improved version of this triple dildo comes with a slightly bendable section in the dildo area so that women can adjust it accordingly to hit their G-spot positions. One of Funzze’s toys, the thrusting BBC dildo, has such a feature, and it really made me cum hard, as you can read about here. 

Who is Triple-Ended Dildo Ideal For?

Funzze’s latest venture into the world of triple dildos has started on sound footing. This is a universal toy with lots of cool settings and a solid price point that will be well-suited to triple-pronged orgasm newbies and sexual veterans alike.

It’s not without its downsides, though. The lack of a bendable section in the G-spot dildo was disappointing, and if you’re a bona fide anal whore like me who adores feeling her asshole being gaped out while her clit and cunt are hammered, the beads on this toy won’t be very impressive.

- Advertisement -

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

- Advertisement -

Latest news

The Perfect Cage for Every Slave? Lock the Cock’s Mission

When it comes to buying things online nowadays, all it takes is a simple Google search to find countless websites claiming to be the...

Cum-Soaked Notes on Diversifying Your Porn

My pornographic journey started many years ago during my college years. I can still recall how my hands would shake at the thought of...

No Escape From Porn: Dispatches From a Serbian Goon Village

Moving to Berlin was a mistake, I told myself. I had been grappling with an insatiable porn addiction for over a decade, and this...

Transfixed.com: A Worthy Place For TS Porn Fans? 

If there’s one sticking point with your traditional cis women, it’s their distinct lack of cocks. This isn’t a dealbreaker per se – I...

Dana’s Grip: Is This Mr Hankey Dildo a Piece of Porn Art?

When I’ve been in the grip of a Goon session for 24 hours straight and am forced to tap out, I lay there in...

Gianna Michaels: Meet the Infamous Bedroom Bully of Noughties Porn

Some porn critics drone on about the adult industry exploiting women and how female pornstars barely have any agency in their careers. Clearly, those...

Goonette Confessions Part 4: From Cum Cows to Secret Menus in Massage Parlors

My email is fuller than a 19-year-old Goonette’s cunt is when she attends her first Goon Party. Every week, I’m confronted by more men...

Slutty Outfit Ideas: 10 Porn-Inspired Ways To Dress Like a Slut

‘’You cheap fuckin’ whore!’’ grunted the old man sliding his hand up my miniskirt, ‘’You knew what you were doing coming in here dressed...
- Advertisement -

Exclusive VIP Articles

Barber Shop Porn Queen: She Feathered Gooning Into Her Job

‘’Thanks for that,’’ He said with a post-orgasmic shiver and a slap of my quivering asscheek. He threw the money for the haircut, along...

Controversial Porn-Fuelled Things I’ve Seen Catherine Duffy Do

Since starting Whoreuro, I’ve worked hard on confessing as many of my tales as possible, and I’m still far from finished. But, as you...

Choose Your Fate, Sissy! My Volatile Porn Adventure Game 

When most sissies first feel the kiss of cold lube on their hungry fuckhole, go cross-eyed as they ride a cock, and undergo their...

Dressed as a Whore by Catherine & Thrown to the Wolves in a Sex Sauna (Part 1)

With her hands holding my high heels in the air, Catherine sucked out the numerous loads of cum inside my ass like she was...

From Good Girl to Nightclub Cum Pit: A Tale of Interracial Redemption

It’s easy to forget my background when I look at myself in the mirror at 4 am, my eyes red from deepthroating, my blonde...

Kelly Stafford Teaches The Goonette Pecking Order in 6 Steps

But if Carly expects that she’s there to browse the debauchery, she’s mistaken. ‘’Put my foot in your mouth!’’ Kelly barks. Carly does as she’s told, sucking Kelly’s toes as she’s fucked brutally. The foot worship has an instant effect, turning Kelly into an on-screen monster who writhes like a woman possessed on Rocco’s cock and wails like a banshee.

Goonette Confessions Part 3: Porn Doesn’t Discriminate

Part one and part two of the Goonette Confession saga proved to be massive successes, and now it’s time for the long-awaited third!  Today’s confessions will range from Porn-fuelled Uber drivers who earn tips in perverse ways to inspiring stories from wheelchair-bound Sluts who don’t let a disability stop their Pornosexuality.

A Felching Reward For Creampied My Sissy Sex Slave (Part 2)

I've been throat-fucked before, but Jakub was merciless. He used my mouth like I was a human Fleshlight, causing me to gag loudly and...
- Advertisement -